What. A. Fucking. Week.
I can't help but laugh at myself a little; I put into the universe the obstacle's of 'overcoming no' and not only am I stuck in the process of it, the universe is like,
try overcoming this...
What Other People Think Of You
I've had the 'pleasure' this week of hearing some harsh words as it relates to who I am. I'm not sharing it with you in hopes of response's that may shed some different light, but instead to get it off my chest and admit that I'm a very sensitive, insecure being.
Honestly, if I don't, I'll lose it.
Let's start with the one about me personally.
The one that went straight for my jugular.
"i've heard from a few sources about that shoe and it's not a good fit."
I wanted to throw up.
It's been a week and I still shudder a little...
I have to hand it to the person for their analogy, though. Pretty fucking clever.
(if it had been about anything else other than me)
This comment is a testament that people, no matter how old they get, can continue to be mean.
At the time the comment was made, I did not know this person, they only knew of me. This was their impression. You'd think that alone would take away any hurt that could come with it. That it would be empty.
Unfortunately, that is not the case.
I keep thinking
I knew they didn't like me,
my instincts were right, and
yet I worked hard to prove them wrong.
Why did I feel the need to prove myself?
As a mother I tell my kids all the time,
'it doesn't matter what other people think.
it says more about them than you.
you know the truth.
It's humbling to find yourself practicing these lessons well into your 30's. You think this behavior and all the feels that come with it will leave when you leave High School. That's just not the case.
I find myself digging for grace and the attitude to just 'let it go'.
But a tiny part can't help but say,
<fuck that and making new friends. people suck.>
If you had a strategic person in place or you yourself had experience in retail growth, I'd invest.
This one, though parts of me respects, can't help but take it personally. All I'm hearing is 'you don't have it in you.' and that sucks. I could wrap my mind around it differently if I wanted, but not this week.
I myself started realizing some time ago that there were certain role's that needed to be filled by someone with more experience and have sought those people out.
Teddies for Bettys? Do people get that name? I mean, does it make sense?
If not right away, by the time they finish their in store experience, they definitely do.
This was less hurtful as it was annoying.
Let us not forget, it's been the name for 7 years.
I'm looking at your timeline and you are way behind. You should have started this process a long time ago...
I can't begin to describe how frustrating this moment was. I'm sitting there, in front of that person literally thinking, 'wait. i did everything you said, with who you said and how and here I am showing you and it's too late?'
I hate to sound like I'm blaming, but what the fuck?
I take everything at face value.
That should be the first rule in doing business.
<i bet all the ballers already know this>
Don't take anyone's word for it.
This is all icing on the cake.
I will not bore you or myself with anymore 'constructive criticism'. I can only say this past week left me feeling 89% defeated.
I get it.
Not everyone is going to like you, understand your business concepts, or be able to hold your hand.
If I was honest with you, I would say that I'm impressed with how i've handled it all this week. I haven't cracked emotionally.
Instead, I down shifted the gears. I took myself into neutral.
I've been numb for over a week.
I can't and won't give in 100%.
For every criticism, I've been given an upside, however tiny it might have been, that I've grasped on to. Something that has given me a sliver of reassurance that I'm good and that everything is going to work out.
It always does.