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Pain is inevitable; Suffering is Optional

Uncategorized Feb 06, 2019

Pain is inevitable; Suffering is Optional. 

if you know you’ve experienced pain before and you also know you’ve experienced moving through it, into happiness again, why not choose to be content with it? 

in this moment. 

look back at a past moment that hurt… how long did you choose to remain in the story? the details that kept you reliving the negative emotions and spinning out.

how far removed are you from those feelings now? 
what if someone told you 

it’s a choice to keep reliving the conversations and the questions. 

that depending on what you choose to tell yourself or think, you move from pain to suffering.

Pain is inevitable; Suffering is Optional. 

you choose your thoughts and those thoughts create your feelings.

can you choose to look at circumstances in your life differently?

I came across an old journal entry of mine:

I have found myself asking; when did the sadness begin? One memory comes up only to be predated...

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A Throwback To My Old Self

Uncategorized Sep 07, 2018

Inspired by #throwbackthursday via instagram, I decided to give a shoutout to my old self. 

My #tbt is dedicated to the girl in this picture who was deeply struggling. Struggling with who she was. Struggling to find a way out of her second marriage. Struggling with how that would effect her kids. Struggling with what people might think of her when it was all said and done. Struggling with ‘why me?’ I remember she wanted to be alone- she craved space and quiet and couldn’t have it. 

The only way she knew how to deal with her pain was with escapism by way of self harm; from working out on overtime, to eating disorders to drinking and pills to cleansing/fasting to quitting drinking altogether and isolating herself to signing up for every volunteer role at her kids school- you name it. Anything to keep from feeling, processing and accepting the choices that were made that led to where she was. It fucking sucked. She didn’t want her life. And she was...

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Sex Toys: Buzz Worthy or Buzz Kill

Uncategorized Jun 01, 2018

I wrote this blog for Teddies for Bettys March of 2016. I could definitely improve upon and expand even more... but instead I'm going to use it as a way to start this conversation on my personal blog... enjoy.

Sex Toys. Adult toys. Handheld massager’s. The names are endless and the opinions about their use is wide and varied.

Let me share my personal experience with sex toys. I’m the girl that watched the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte goes out and buys the Rabbit and doesn’t leave her apartment for days on end. I immediately went out and bought the same exact one…

and did the same exact thing…

while 6 months pregnant.

A few weeks after becoming comfortable and hormones raging, I decided it was necessary that I introduce my husband to this new found discovery. Up until this point, we had never used any sex toys.  Maybe I was young and too naive to see that this could have gone either direction, but I invited him to the room and said,...

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Self Love & The Relentless Battle

Uncategorized May 18, 2018

Over the course of a decade, I've had the opportunity to be in the dressing room with women and listen as they've revealed some of their most intimate secrets, vulnerabilities and you guessed it, insecurities. If there is one thing I've learned it's this: 

We women as a whole are relentless on ourselves.

I often joke that if I had a tape recorder installed in the dressing rooms of my store, you would hear the same song in a different tune play all day. Ladies, the image we see ourselves as, or maybe better stated, the image we don’t see ourselves as, CONSUMES US.

What’s more unfortunate is that we let this false image define us. 

This is how we are all wired- that who we are and how we look, is never good enough. 

What I find to be even more fascinating is that we currently live in a time where the media has finally caught on that a majority of women don't identify with 'model' bodies or images that have been photoshopped to show no cellulite. We are...

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5 Years without a drink… what have I learned? 

Uncategorized Oct 25, 2017

5 Years without a drink… what have I learned? 

first of all, let me start off by saying I cannot believe I've made it 5 years without drinking. 

holy hell!!

i remember thinking how great it would be to make it to 5 years, but was not sure i ever would or could. 

it seemed so. far. away. 

i’m also going to say that i am beyond proud of myself.

proud because choosing not to drink has proven to be the best choice i’ve made myself, for myself. 

more proud because getting to this point of pride has taken me years and has been incredibly difficult, to say the least. 

i fought my choice to not drink for years and then some. for whatever reason, i couldn’t give in to the idea that drinking was no longer going to be a part of my life… 

after all, it’s all i knew.

since choosing not to drink i’ve obsessed with thoughts like:

do i have a drinking problem or was it just a bad weekend?

i’m in a much better place...

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The Struggle is Only as Real as You Make It

It was four years ago yesterday that i shared a bottle of wine with a good friend and said, 'this is it.' I remember the moment vividly. the way you might remember the last time you were intimate with an old lover knowing it was the last. the same way you blocked out all the heartache and arguments you shared before giving them one last kiss goodbye.

I have spent the past four years struggling to surrender to my life without alcohol, to the point is has brought me to pause.

how am i different today than the day i chose to quit drinking?

what in my life has changed?

because i continue to struggle with the idea that me having a drink couldn't really be that bad of idea.

that 4 years ago was just a hard time all around...

besides.

life isn't actually a piece of cake. i could use a drink.

and it dawned on me,

i don't just struggle with not drinking.

i struggle in general.

with everything.

I made a choice not to drink, because it wasn't fun anymore.

As a matter of fact, i was...

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There’s No Crying In Baseball

Uncategorized Oct 23, 2017

There’s No Crying In Baseball

picture yourself, if you can, sitting in your office surrounded by work associates.

your phone rings, it’s your kids school- the nurse is calling to tell you your son or daughter is in their office sick and they need to go home. 

you just sat down and started whatever it was that you needed to work on.

you cannot believe the timing- that whenever you finally find a moment to focus, something comes up. 

you can’t catch a break.

you have more to do than you can think of.

not to mention it’s Monday…

what do you do?

here’s what i did;

i started crying. 

at my desk.

in my office.

located in the back of a beautiful lingerie store.

it was noon…

obviously, i wasn’t upset about my daughter needing to be picked up from school. i mean, i was a little because of the inconvenience, but it was all the other stressful little ‘things’ that had been weighing on me and building up that caused...

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The Un-Sexy Side Of Entrepreneurship

Uncategorized Sep 20, 2017

The age old conversation starter...

person: what do you do for a living?

me: i own a retail store.

person: oh wow! you work for yourself?! that is amazing.

me: 

(in my mind)

Is it?

Entrepreneur, along with Disruptor, Founder, GirlBoss, Influencer, Self Made and so on, are hot words in our culture today and impossible to avoid- much like it's impossible to avoid trying to establish yourself with one of these sexy titles. in today's work culture we are seeing lifestyle bloggers, concept brands and the individuals behind them reach a broader audience than ever before, monetize and gain celebrity status success.

It's incredible.

Unless you don't find yourself or your brand making these waves.

Then it's incredibly difficult. 

seeing the success of others can be jading, almost paralyzing at times. you are only human to feel that way! it can leave you feeling unequipped and questioning your ability based on experience and education. it will leave you feeling...

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Overcoming "No"

raise your hand if you like being told 'no'. i know what you're thinking... 'you can't see my hands.' yes, but what i'm actually thinking is that no one is going to raise their hands. no one wants to be told no. finding the courage to ask for what you want, let alone be denied it, can be brutal. trust me, this past year in business alone i've heard my fair share of no's. with that said, i'm starting to realize that asking for what you want and hearing the word 'no' is not the hardest part.

not even close. 

the hardest part of no is overcoming that no.

that is the moment you are defined by. 

let's pretend your 7 years old. it's been one hot day out in the sandbox and you go running inside because you desperately need a popsicle. your tongue is so dry it might fall out of your mouth. you run in screaming 'MOM' as the door slams behind you and demand that popsicle. she looks at you and sighs,

'not now. dinner is almost ready.' 

you look at her like she's crazy...

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Two Faced

depression honest human Apr 03, 2017

No one wants to think they have a two faced friend, so when you become aware that it is you who is two faced, you might find yourself freaking out a bit. I'm not talking about your typical two faced scenario with friends and betrayal either.

I'm talking about the two faced image of you, or in this case myself, that you portray to the outside world vs the you on the inside.

I'm talking about the two faced girl that leaves an appointment all smiles and can't wait to collaborate with you only to get in the car and start crying then touch it up so she can enter her next meeting all smiles and it's so great to see you's. 

I'm talking about the person you can never escape, despite trying to.

insert

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just fake it until you make it

no one has to know.

but wait,

you know.

You show up to the dinner where you've been asked to give advice and guidance and hear yourself being talked about as if foreign;

'I want you to meet ashley; she's a business owner who really has her shit...

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