Episode 25: Just My Imagination





Renegades, I think I’m used to this new life. The pace - all the space. I’m really digging it. There’s this feeling - a small town summer quality feeling that I’m experiencing and I don’t want it to end. I don’t think I was aware of just how much pressure I had on myself each day to be busy and accomplish. That I was trying to keep up with the pace that society had laid out and that my friends, is NOT my pace. At least not in the way I was going about it.

This new pace and lifestyle has revealed to me just how much fucking time I can waist too.

going to coffee shops to work’ but not really working.… Blocking off time to get ready to get somewhere….. Traffic. The actual amount of time I spent working in my day was very little.

I took that time for granted. Well, I took a lot for granted, BUT the good news is that I’ve tapped into this concept called constraint and I’m 100% embracing it. With so much less to give my time and energy to, I can really focus on the things in front of me. Less is proving to be more for my brain.

That said with the removal of all the things combined with a global crisis, the volume in my brain has been turned up Substantially. I know this goes for all of you. Our brains have been triggered and it’s revealing to me a lot of my thinking- where I’m personally wired to go…

When we initially went into quarantine, I experienced what most everyone did… all the fear, uncertainty - anxiety. I actually let them take up residency in a way that I haven’t before.

Are they my favorite roommates, not really. But I have to say, of all my emotions, these guys are really showing me how I think and of course, what I’m capable of.

One night, we were having a quarantine cuddle puddle and Fear was telling us a story about Marshalls law, that dystopian life, war, you know,

Subjects fear basically has a PhD in and I was like, dude. Your stories are crazy and kind of scary… like, seriously. Where do you get this shit?

Then anxiety was like, yah, you’re so good at story time. You should tell us more. I love the part when I feel like I’m being strangled and can’t breathe, and then worry was like that’s not fear, that’s me. Don’t you know the word worry used to mean strangle? And anxiety was like, yah, it used to mean that but then it evolved to harass and now it means anxiety. Oh wait this isn’t fears story, this is mine. I’m anxiety. I’m telling this story.

Everyone started arguing about who was telling the story so I drew a bath because it would appear its the only place that really quiets the crowd and then I remembered pandemic rule #1: equal air time.

If you’re going to hang out with this crowd, you have to spend an equal amount of time with the opposite crowd. In this case we are talking about some peace, faith maybe joy… contentment

I thought, where the fuck are they? Why don’t they just come around uninvited?

Why is it my least favorite feelings are always down to clown? I don’t even like thinking this way. IT feels terrible. Where do all these crazy thoughts come from.

My brain was like, is this rhetorical orrrr. Then I found myself singing… it was just my imagination… running away from me oohhh

It’s all just my imagination.

And then my brain exploded: all of my life I thought imagination was used to play make believe and pretend but for fun. To create a fantasy land.… like we did when we were kids. And that it was only for kids.


I googled the definition of Imagination: it’s the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses. the ability of the mind to be creative or resourceful

It never occurred to me that I was using my imagination to CREATE stories that caused me to worry and spin the fuck out. That as an adult I have been using my imagination to create a world of worry

I’m sure you’re all like, duh, but stay with me. I’m always a little late to the party.

Logically I thought, oh there’s my primal human brain doing what it does trying to keep me safe. It’s looking at the outside world for solutions or proof that what I’m thinking is either true or false. I’m in Survivor mode… Our primitive brain is supposed to signal fear - to find the problems so we can stay safe. Stay alive. It’s self protection.

My brain had me convinced that I was being productive, but it was anything but. I was taking my circumstances yes, very real problems and obstacles that have presented themselves from covid19 and the state of the economy but spinning them into very crazy storylines. I started to see how my imagination takes these problems and writes out documentary war films with a splash of Handmaids tale that really freaks me the fuck out. It creates emotional chaos which stops in my tracks. I get absolutely nowhere besides emotionally drained.

Renegades. Hear me. This is so important. Your brain does not know the difference between what you are imagining and what your quote un quote reality is. Your brain sees the images, releases the chemicals flooding you with the emotions that you associate with what you are thinking about causing you to experience it as if you really were. Do you know how fucking crazy that is. Really think about this:

You can think about someone dying right now and bring tears to your eyes. You could imagine winning the lottery and feel a rush of excitement.

If my imagination has the power to A. Trick my brain into thinking these fantasies are reality and B. Dream up the impossible with extreme creativity- than sign me up. That is exactly what I need right now.

This is the power of your imagination -

Y’all, I’m a little bit embarrassed to admit this, but if you heard some of the shit I was saying to my kids during the first few weeks- I was prepping them for doomsday. I was like college? You want to be a music booking agent? ummm, music festivals won’t be happening for a minute and you should consider knowing a trade or getting a job that is useful and needed when the world is ending. Maybe you should look into wood working… or becoming a nurse. Thank god we have the internet… but if we lose that, we are done. We s should look into farming. Getting some land… also, you need to know how to take care of yourselves… if something happens to us you what will you do? Everyones going to die and jobs won’t exist is basically what I was telling them.

Needless to say, I broke free from that script and I found myself apologizing to both my kids. I’m so lucky. My kids are so patient and understanding - they were like thank you. I already felt pressure about my future and didn’t know what I was going to do and the few things I did know were canceled and there is this giant question mark in front of me. In my head, I was like same bro.

Einstein says; Imagination is everything. Its is the preview of life’s coming attractions.

I asked myself, do you want to use your thinking- your imagination- to sit around feeling stuck and worry about what the world has going on and dictate how you show up or do you want to use your imagination to dream and create a world that you feel good in? How do you want to channel your energy? To exhaust and drain or to spark your soul into some action?

One thing I know for damn sure, is that I don’t want to experience going through covid19, economic fall out and all my obstacles that come with it anymore painfully then I need to.

Making it worse with my thinking will not serve me, my family or my future. I don’t want to sit on pause and wait to start again. I want to believe that this is happening for me, not to me.

Let’s pretend we are writing a story about a global pandemic and we are creating the character outline for our lead role.

We know the problems and obstacles that our character will face.

We aren’t really sure of the outcome, but we are giving it a good ending. The perfect ending.

We also know that this character will be a mother fucking super hero.

Now, we aren’t saying she is going to start a business work out everyday write a book or be there for all the people who need her…. BUT our character is going to surprise herself with her ability to overcome herself in the face of adversity. The viewers will leave inspired by the characters endurance, perseverance, self compassion, and faith that she displayed daily.

How does she show up if:

-we figure out a way no matter what?

-how does she think?

-how does she feel?

how does she want to feel when this is all over.

Now let me ask you;

How do you want to look back and tell this story?

How do you want my kids to remember me during this time?

Who do you want to be?

Where do you want to end up when this over?

Who or what is preventing you from believing this is possible?

When you look back on this time, to tell your story about living through a pandemic, how will you tell it?

And don’t paint me a mediocre story of survival. Imagine a character so far removed from who you are now and how you are going through it. Tell me a story that is so compelling and riveting that you can’t imagine who you’d be not experiencing a global pandemic. A story that you know had it not been for obstacles such as covid19 you wouldn’t have become the person you were meant to. A story that makes all of the crazy worth it. You’ll know you’re doing it right if it seems impossible to think this way… Practice being in this character. Memorize your script. Rehearse your role each day.

This is your story.

You get to write it Renegades. You are the star of your story… you decide how you want to think and feel - no one can take that from you. Not even a global pandemic. You get to choose how you navigate your ways through this time of viral uncertainty.

Lauren Bacall said “Imagination is the highest kite one can fly” you know what I say Renegades, let’s go fly some fucking kites.

There is no amount of logic or knowledge that will solve our problems right. Things are very much not in our control and trying to think our way through will not work…your brain is just going to keep spinning the same story until you get some perspective. Ps. I stole that from Einstein.